Focused SAHMs and SAHDs
First, there is absolutely NOTHING WRONG with a woman staying home to take care of children. It’s a gift, it’s an honor and it’s a blessing. There are marriages in which the provider travels, or works long hours, or needs to be ‘on’ and available all the time. And sometimes that provider is a woman and her husband is the SAHD. I absolutely love this arrangement. I think it provides a focused balance for couples, especially when children are young. Parents understand their roles. There may be slightly less bickering about laundry if you’re not sharing household work plus outside-of-the-home work. Hallelujah to that!
Busy ADHD Mamas
But what about the ADHD mamas? Those of us with business ideas, and clients and a 9-5 grind plus 3 kids. Those of us who live in expensive-ass Washington DC, New York, or California.
Those of us who need 2 salaries plus a renter to pay the mortgage and finance a “regular” life. Oh, wait, that’s me. I’m writing this post today to say: IT’S POSSIBLE TO WORK, NOT HAVE A NANNY, NOT NEGLECT YOUR KIDS, AND NOT LOSE YOUR MIND. It’s possible to win at work and motherhood.
“IT IS POSSIBLE TO WORK, NOT HAVE A NANNY, NOT NEGLECT YOUR KIDS, AND NOT LOSE YOUR MIND.”
In fact, I think ADHD mamas are just the ones to do it. We thrive off changing environments, challenges, quick thinking, out of the box thinking and too much on our plate. I’m an energy Type 1, or air energy, NOT to be confused with an airhead, ahem.
If you want more insights on children and the 4 energy types read Carol Tuttle’s book, The Child Whisperer. It’s definitely life coach-y, but the takeaways are so right on I’d pay per word for the insights into my own kids as well as the 120 students I teach by reading her book. If you’re a Type 1 or a Type 3 energy, this post, particularly is right up your alley.
ADHD and The Scarcity Mindset
One thing I’ve learned about ADHDers: the scarcity mindset seals our fate. It hammers that final nail into the coffin, and we mourn the death of our ability and success.
Why can’t we do it all? And by “do it all,” I don’t mean our houses look like the Houzz app and our hair is always perfectly coiffed. I mean, we have damn good kids, a healthy marriage and a successful business or career.
Supermom is a term that should’ve died with the neon t-shirt clips and side ponytails and Pepsi-drinking of the 80’s. There’s no such thing as a supermom. But there ARE real, dedicated moms. A mom who takes off to chaperone field trips, adjusts her schedule to be home in time to get her child off the bus, and moms who completely unplug from work at times designated for the family.
The Abundance Mindset of “Real” Moms
I’m not saying real moms don’t have date nights, or a mom’s helper on days she needs to stay a bit later at work. But the real moms I’m describing, are the ones who are killing it at work and at home. These are moms who are making over 100k, yet still, make it home in time to cook dinner a few nights a week. The ones who have built a lifestyle around loving and caring for their children. They’ve also created a presence and commitment at their job which allows them to call the shots, or work part-time plus have a side hustle or both! When you embrace an abundance mindset, it’s no longer, less or more. It’s more AND more.
I give the best of myself at work so I might receive the best schedule and the best projects. I know I’m worth it. I have everything in my life I deserve (but not everything I want because I still have mindset work to do).
Just remember: it doesn’t have to be all or nothing. If you’re the mom who says, “I’m just an employee right now because I want to be there for my kids,” ok. But could you be more? Are you settling? Are you living a mediocre life just so your kids can get more face time with you? Are you gung-ho on your career but feel guilty about missing time with your children? Some women want a nanny (or grandma as a live-in) and a full-on career. Some want to be home and completely present with their young children. Embrace what works best for you and make peace with it.
“Real” ADHD Mamas
Finally, there are those of us who were gifted with ADHD (associated with Energy types 1 and 3–air and fire). We have the brain power to heat many irons in the fire when we know our worth. We are not the 80’s supermoms in shoulder pads and sneakers walking from the metro to our downtown office feeling guilty for missing dinner. We are the real moms in our Adidas and cashmere sweaters, meeting clients in their home at 1pm on a Saturday. We build our businesses or fit our careers in between little league games and an evening play starring our seventh grader. Be a real mom, and win at parenting and work. It doesn’t have to be a choice! You can have both. Go prove it. Use that beautiful brain to create the life balance that best suits you and your family.
I’ll see you in 2 weeks. Happy Thanksgiving!!